Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Foley to Enter Gambling Rehab Next 

(And I had missed this!) A pearl of a satire so very wonderfully written that it surpasses the truth:

Mark Foley Enters Alcoholism Rehab; Gambling Rehab Next
By Phil Maggitti
Oct 3, 2006, 07:27

LAPLAND, Fla. - Mark Foley (R-FL) quietly slipped into a rehab facility for alcoholism treatment last weekend. In a statement read by his attorney, Mr. Foley said, "I strongly believe I am an alcoholic and have accepted the need for immediate treatment for alcoholism and other behavioral problems."

Mr. Foley, a 52-year-old bachelor who co-chaired the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus, abruptly quit the House of Representatives last Friday after reports had surfaced that he had sent lewd e-mail messages containing sexually explicit emoticons to boys working as pages.

Mr. Foley's attorney, David Roth, would not identify the facility that Mr. Foley had entered, nor would he say how long Mr. Foley would be there. Mr. Roth did say, however, that his client would "most likely" enter a rehab facility for compulsive gambling after "successfully concluding" his alcoholism treatment.

"Mark is committed to getting to the bottom of his problem, no matter how painful that process might be," said Mr. Roth. "If, god forbid, alcoholism and gambling treatments are not effective, Mark is prepared to undergo rehabilitation for compulsive shopping, binge eating, and any other addiction that might help him get to the root cause of his online behavior."

In related news, a spokesperson for the Log Cabin Republicans , a national gay and lesbian Republican grassroots organization, denied that the words log or cabin have sexual connotations.

In other related news, President Bush challenged Democrats in Congress to support the passage of the Gay Pages Amendment, which would prohibit "knowingly homosexual teenagers" from serving as pages in Congress.

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