Saturday, August 05, 2006

Why not have a Tour de Dope? A Great Idea is Born 

I read an excellent commentary on the Landis crisis - this was a few days ago - and there is no way I can remember exactly in which newspaper it was. That's a great pity because it was a great commentary. In all the Tour de France brouhaha, it was the only article I saw that suggested something unique: split the sports world into two major categories - the doped and the non-doped.

I think this is a great idea. The author wrote it as a cynical piece, not really being serious, nevertheless I am dead serious. You know why I like this idea so much? Because it exposes the hypocrites in society for what they are. Everytime someone says "everybody knows lots of athletes are using dope," exactly who is everybody? It is everyone that loves to turn a blind eye to everything that is currupt in society as long as the appearances are glossy and the cash is rolling in. This includes the athletes themselves, all the sports biz people, and last but by no means least, much of the public. So society wants to turn a blind eye to amphetamine and testosterone charged athletes? Make it like homosexuality - pro-homos say there is nothing wrong with it - then bring it out in the open and let people start realizing just how unhinged it is.

Now that the second Landis test has confirmed the testosterone anomally, it's a grand moment to found the Tour de Dope. And we could take the opportunity to expand the hypocrisy exposure to other sport categories - everyone should have a legal "dope-spiked" category, track and field, football, swimming, everything. If society is currently willing to clap along with closed eyes to their little doped athletes, I say make those eyes wide open. People want to see athletes outperform and beat records every year? That's what dope is for.

This idea works out for everyone involved. We live in a world that adores consuming drugs in enormous quantities (and evidently "drugs" here include alcohol)- why the "prejudice" regarding athletes? Doctors who are so maligned today because they are currently using their expertise to dope athletes can come out into the open and be hailed for their drugged cyborg strategies. Here is the grand opportunity for a doped society to see their "drugged beyond belief" athletes whizz by in every sport. Furthermore, many athletes are no more than prostitutes and will do just about anything for a million bucks and the attached celebrity status - including taking any sort of physical-altering cocktail. It's not a morality issue for them. So let them go full blast into the drug universe. Do it out in the open, in full view of the audience even. Hypocrites should be exposed for what they are - it's my philosophy.

And then you leave the athletes who just want to compete with their natural talents and physique have their own clean competitions. Ah, those boring non-doped slow folks. Anyone care for them anymore? They don't come in first and they aren't the strongest.

But they are the ones I would still want to watch and root for.

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