Reflections, Reflections

Another Scrappleface gem. I had been missing good Scrappleface satire, it seems Ott was dealing forever with issues I don't find that interesting, but now, to make up for all that time, a delightful post...

In one of his first official moves, Pope Benedict XVI today announced that the Vatican would "spin off" the U.S. division of the Roman Catholic church, but retain a 49-percent stake in the new entity, called R.C. Lite.

The partial divestiture of its holy-owned subsidiary comes as a new CNN poll reveals that 74 percent of U.S. Catholics say they're more likely to follow their own conscience than the teachings of the church.

R.C. Lite will elect its own leader to the largely cermonial post of New-World Pope. Thorny moral questions in the new religious sect will be decided by Internet polling, the results of which will provide non-binding guidance to church members.

To counter Pope Benedict's dogmatic conservatism, several church sources said America's leading Roman Catholic politician, Sen. John F. Kerry, D-MA, is considered a shoo-in for the New-World Papacy.

"We need a pope with nuanced ideas," said one unnamed U.S. Bishop. "He needs to be a uniter, not a divider. He can't be afraid to change his deeply-held convictions in light of shifting public opinion. He must be courageous enough to keep his beliefs separate from his behavior and decision making."

If Mr. Kerry accepts the R.C. Lite leadership post, insiders say he will assume the name Benadryl XIII.

R.C Lite! :-))) That's too perfect to describe a ton of "Catholics" I know. Another excellent label was given at WorldMag: Cafeteria Catholics - they pick and choose which beliefs they want to uphold at that particular moment. :-)

Benadryl XIII - too funny... Benadryl XIII, the Flipflop Pope...

I was in need of this... you have no idea what a bad day I had today... snif.

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Related post at Dr.Adams'.

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Update April 24:

Is this 16,000 number correct??!! I'm dumbfounded if so. From Human Events:

Along with all those pick-and-choose American Catholics our pagan media is shocked -- shocked -- that the cardinals have picked a new Pope who is a real, honest to goodness Catholic!
[...]

Actually, they have plenty of other options if they insist on affiliating with a church.

There are 16,000 Protestant sects in the United States.

They offer a huge variety of dos and don’ts -(mostly dos.) You can pick and choose.

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