Friday, April 08, 2005
Irritable.
I was irritable and upset most of today. When I´m irritated, everything in the world that normally irritates me just a little swells to enormously irritating levels. I had to make myself not get swept into obnoxious traffic disputes, given that the streets were full of utterly detestable road rage drivers. It seems on days that I am not so irritated, these driving jerks stay at home. Among the many lovely experiences I had today, I waited the whole day for a very important professional call that might have happened and it didn't. This impacted another important call I am counting the minutes to make, but it depends on the first, so I couldn't do it either. Waiting and waiting in Casablanca and time is running out. I had to do a lot of small talk with a guy who not too long ago apparently was planning to stab me fully in the back, and maybe still is. I had to witness a group of immature, pesky people make a huge, unfair circus of a complaint and gang up on someone they had absolutely no good reason to target, but were masking how obnoxious they themselves are. I got uncalled for harsh and unfriendly reactions when talking to two different people who apparently make a point of not caring how they treat others. And when I turned on the radio, there was this very popular program with one of these chatty, thoughtless commentators talking about life in the most banal, stupid 1-2-3 recipe way. And I made the mistake of listening to it.
I had to keep pushing away thoughts of inventing a special deadly virus that would target only mediocre people. That is so mean, and not the answer, I know. But, c´mon, wouldn't it be nice? Ok, Ok... How about throwing a brick at masses of people that are irritating me? :-P
Aside from the above, lots of other thoughts kept surfacing today. They included:
- For about 2 months now, I´ve constantly seen a young woman, a student, who is in a wheel chair. She has a deformed body with hardly no legs and one functioning arm. Fortunately, she seems to have good people in her life. But I keep thinking, what if it had to be like this?
- I went to see "Ray," the movie. I found it very engrossing, it is very well cast, and there's amazing acting by Foxx. However, I read a review afterwards that raises some sharp questions about how adulating the script was crafted, specially regarding Ray Charles' heroin addiction. I thought a lot about the fact that despite being blind, Charles went so much farther than most people, and he lived such a full, even if turbulent life. There is one line in a review that clinches this, it says Ray Charles didn't let his blindness get in the way, in fact, he even used it to his advantage in certain situations. It is amazing that he actually did that. A disability not being a disability, that is grand.
- It's sad the way Ray looked at relationships with women; the nice, Christian wife waiting at home, all the other hot affairs waiting at the studio. Since they are not a minority, I currently know men like Ray. They are all married and they can care less about faithfulness. And when they have become interested in me, it just astounds me to see, since they hardly know me, that they pressupose that I would be just like them, that I can care less about anything and am prowling for affairs just like they are. For so many people, faithfulness means something that should only be part of a performance to fool others. By a myriad set of attitudes and behaviors, it's clear to me that they have no qualms whatsoever about their unfaithful mindset and all the varied forms of disrespect and betrayal it involves. In fact, these men seem very surprised that any woman that interests them will not go along with them. They have a distinct feeling of entitlement to all these affairs and being unfaithful that they petulantly wave around. On their part, there is a considerable level of surprise to find that I am not anything that they stupidly pressuposed, matched by my being considerably surprised that they would pressupose such a thought about me in the first place. The blatant disrespect with which they view me as a potential idiotic affair target apparently escapes them, because they are so full of themselves as sexual prowlers. I am so tired of this.
.
I had to keep pushing away thoughts of inventing a special deadly virus that would target only mediocre people. That is so mean, and not the answer, I know. But, c´mon, wouldn't it be nice? Ok, Ok... How about throwing a brick at masses of people that are irritating me? :-P
Aside from the above, lots of other thoughts kept surfacing today. They included:
- For about 2 months now, I´ve constantly seen a young woman, a student, who is in a wheel chair. She has a deformed body with hardly no legs and one functioning arm. Fortunately, she seems to have good people in her life. But I keep thinking, what if it had to be like this?
- I went to see "Ray," the movie. I found it very engrossing, it is very well cast, and there's amazing acting by Foxx. However, I read a review afterwards that raises some sharp questions about how adulating the script was crafted, specially regarding Ray Charles' heroin addiction. I thought a lot about the fact that despite being blind, Charles went so much farther than most people, and he lived such a full, even if turbulent life. There is one line in a review that clinches this, it says Ray Charles didn't let his blindness get in the way, in fact, he even used it to his advantage in certain situations. It is amazing that he actually did that. A disability not being a disability, that is grand.
- It's sad the way Ray looked at relationships with women; the nice, Christian wife waiting at home, all the other hot affairs waiting at the studio. Since they are not a minority, I currently know men like Ray. They are all married and they can care less about faithfulness. And when they have become interested in me, it just astounds me to see, since they hardly know me, that they pressupose that I would be just like them, that I can care less about anything and am prowling for affairs just like they are. For so many people, faithfulness means something that should only be part of a performance to fool others. By a myriad set of attitudes and behaviors, it's clear to me that they have no qualms whatsoever about their unfaithful mindset and all the varied forms of disrespect and betrayal it involves. In fact, these men seem very surprised that any woman that interests them will not go along with them. They have a distinct feeling of entitlement to all these affairs and being unfaithful that they petulantly wave around. On their part, there is a considerable level of surprise to find that I am not anything that they stupidly pressuposed, matched by my being considerably surprised that they would pressupose such a thought about me in the first place. The blatant disrespect with which they view me as a potential idiotic affair target apparently escapes them, because they are so full of themselves as sexual prowlers. I am so tired of this.
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