Monday, May 08, 2006

Sick of It 

I just had one more display this weekend of a garbage, slime of a man who calls himself a Christian. A married SOB, at least a generation older than me, no less, who decided he was going to come after me. And, since I had never met him before a day ago, and at first, he said he just wanted to chat about Christianity and such, I was caught completely off-guard. Unfortunately, he invited himself to walk with me to a certain place, and it wasn't a short walk, so while we were walking, he was there, blabbering and showing what an ass he is.

I don't know if you met people who have an obsessive psychology - and they project onto you what they are imagining in their own minds, often when it has absolutely nothing to do with you, the person in front of them. Homosexuals and bisexuals are often like this. So are pedophiles and so are a lot of people who are looking for adultery.

Their psychology is to project an obsessive idea about a person who is what their slimy mind would like to find. And as you talk to them, they ignore everything you tell them, because everything you tell them contradicts that slimy mold they are trying to put on you. They become obsessive in shunning out any part of the conversation that contradicts their obsessive idea, and they immediately distort anything you say that they can find a way to interpret in a malicious way to mean what they want it to mean. And anytime you remain in silence just observing what a diseased character they have and how slimy they are, they take that as to mean that you are agreeing with what they are saying or thinking.

And you know what I find really frightening is that they have no conscience about being so out of touch with reality. One thing is a guy who is trying to come onto you, and he's married, and he knows very well that he's a slime trying to commit adultery, and he's aware of what he is doing is wrong, but he does it anyway. But you can tell that he is watching for reactions and signs, he's not ignoring you completly. Even if, like it usually happens, all the talk begins with this innuendo dropped here and there, like very light little things that he could immediately say that were misunderstood, yadda, yadda, yadda. But you can see that he processes your feedback and if he insists, it's because he is conscious of harassing you, you can see that the consciousness is there that you are not for it.

But the people I'm talking about are obsessed. This means you can tell their mind is NOT registering reality. They see and talk right past you. They ignore what you say with this really weird, maniacal look on their faces. It's driven. However, these are "everyday" garbage of people, they are not drooling lunatics, although in many ways they behave just the same, they just don't drool externally. You can see they have this compulsive thought about you all the time they interact with you. You can see in their eyes that they are not processing reality rationally. And if you say something that contradicts them, they get anxious for a few seconds and then you can watch them become even more insistent with their initial idea. As far as I could tell, this guy was obsessed that I would want an affair with married men, and obviously, a stinking old pig like him. Clearly, that's exactly what he was desperate to see me wanting, not anything that I want. But with slime, what you want is not part of their perception of reality.

And they will usually blabber all this socially acceptable discourse and mores at the same time that they contradict it with innuendo and/or physical action. Several examples of this type of blabbering happened in this conversation, which is really disturbing about the psychology of obsessive people. I told this guy about another married slime that I knew in this group, and I said I hoped he'd go to hell. The guy that I was talking to was lost for a few seconds, he seemed hit, and then he said, "That is unbelievable! I don't know how men can do that!"

I kid you not. At that moment, if there was any justice in the world, a truck would have come round the bend and "accidentally" pancaked this slime on the pavement of the road. Of which we can only conclude we need more trucks in the world.

Then he joined me in telling me about how preposterous it was for this other adulterous guy he knew to do that. And all I could think of is how insane and lacking in character "normal" people are. He just went on about how horrible men who were like that were and all along he was there doing the same thing in an increasingly obsessive way.

My take on what is happening with these slime is that for a few moments their entire psycho-emotional structure suffers a blow and a challenge when you contradict them, but instead of coming apart and crashing, a psycho dynamics of regulating their internal structure is activated (unconsciously) and "order" needs to be restored by re-interpretating the external reality in a distorted way that does not threaten or puncture their diseased internal structure. So for a tiny fraction of a second they seem to mildly get some conscious idea that they are being a slime, and it makes them really uncomfortable with themselves, and then they must push it out immediately and substitute with whatever idea they project the situation onto you or rationalize it and justify it to themselves.

So it was really, really unpleasant talking to this guy, because even though I dealt a few blows to his disgusting obsession, he became more obsessive as we talked, and I could see he became more and more convinced that he was "right" about his obsessive idea regarding me. This, in part, was because, after I realized that I was talking to a most stupid, disgusting, low level kind of guy, I had no wish to talk to him whatsoever. So I talked less and let him talk. I felt like I was a psychologist sitting behind that mirror-glass just observing the freak. I noticed afterwards that he took my silence to mean his diseased mind was right, and that I must be agreeing with him, that's why I was silent. So the innuendo kept coming up, but it would soon disappear into a lot of other chatter that was just "normal."

I just kept staring ahead as I walked, thinking all these things about his psychology, I was thinking about how manipulative he was, I was amazed to see he is one of these really retarded, simpleton blokes thinks he is smart and wordly, I was astounded about how little he seemed to register that he disgusted me, and that I despise people like him, and that it always flabbergasts me that such a garbage of man could possibly think I would ever be interested in him. Talk about how diseased the minds of "normal" people are.

I was also thinking about just how much/how little control I was really having of the conversation and of the situation, and that's when I made a big mistake. You see, when I am around stupid, ignorant people, with the most mediocre, simpleton views on every subject, the last thing I feel like doing is talking to them. Stupid people profoundly annoy me, they bore me, they irritate me with their stupidity and with the fact they fancy themselves to be clever. It's that lack of consciousness about how stupid they are that adds that extra layer of profound irritation. This guy on top of it, was dropping innuendos here and there. So I was like, just let the idiot talk; I won't deign to respond most of the time. So that's when he said something about some woman who was interested in affairs and I knew he was throwing a curve ball. And I said nothing outloud. In my mind, I was like, are we surprised with this one? And then he blabbered something else and said I looked really good. And I continued walking. Said nothing. I almost said, "I don't care in the least about what you think." But I refrained, it seemed quite rude to me. But I hate so much this type of lowlife who ignores that I just said the men like this should go to hell. I don't like people who can't take such an enormous "hint." Like, what part of hell don't you understand? I hate to have to deal with this type of slime who ignores everything I tell them unless it's directly confrontational for an entire hour. I usually don't like to engage in direct attack with them, because I feel I've said more than enough (for civilized people), that I end up detaching myself from the situation.

I was thinking about Martin Luther and how fed up he got with how slimy and corrupt the Church and Catholics were (and how fed up I am with so many current Catholics/Christians who are just the same), I was thinking about how many pigs of people there are in the church I currently go to, I was thinking that I need to concentrate on my goals so I don't have to talk much to garbage of people like him because I simply won't be around them (or, more precisely, they won't be around me), and the guy was like thinking he was really making a hit, because I was concentrating in all of this and was either saying nothing or just chatting along as when I turned the subject around to his wife and kids (of whom he talked to at length not long after saying how good I looked and getting no response).

So I missed on the opportunity of taking a verbal basebal bat and smashing his skull in a million little pieces and that's a lost opportunity for the improvement of humanity, I have to say.

And, when we reached our destination I so thoroughly disgusted with this guy, but all through the conversation he ignored every sign of it. And he said some really slimy innuendo for which again he received an unwelcome response.

And that's when flabbergasting thing happened. This guy goes gets his home contact information on a piece of paper and gives to me. I felt like saying to other people, "Get me a real baseball bat."

I guess the only way to better deal with such crap of people is to rebuke everything they open their mouths to say the minute they do it. I find that so unpleasant though, to have to keep putting a guy continuously in their place, for an entire hour, because when they are obsessive, one hint just doesn't do, nor two, nor three. It's an entire hour of combat with a slime and I just wanted to have peace and either quiet or good people for company at that moment.

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